Misplaced jealously can have a serious impact on the success of a relationship in the long-term.
It is vital to confront issues around jealous with your partner in a constructive way while understanding that a certain amount of jealousy is natural to feel.
However, if jealousy is causing argument after argument, it is likely time to take steps to prevent it from festering.
A healthy approach to jealous feelings through communication will help you confront any internal struggles you may have, as well as unrealistic expectations from your significant other.
Read on to learn why we get jealous, and how to deal with jealousy for a better relationship.
Why Do We Get Jealous?
The answer as to why humans get jealous is quite complicated. Biologically speaking, it may be a result of competition among males for reproduction, and among females for resources.
However, more likely than not, it is a product of our society rather than our evolution, though it is natural to an extent.
So, try not to completely blame your brain for feeling more than a little jealous, and focus more on how to constructively handle it within the relationship.
How to Deal with Jealousy
Jealously is not the easiest emotion to deal with, as it is usually fueled by anger and coupled with insecurity.
However, with a few simple steps, you can effectively manage you’re jealous and communicate your concerns with your partner.
Here are seven methods for dealing with jealousy in a healthy way.
1. Calm Down First
In the event that you feel insanely jealous at the moment, try not to react before you think it over. More importantly, calm down before speaking with your partner.
Otherwise, you may not be able to explain fully why you feel the way you do, or you might feel differently after you mull over it. As well, it may give your partner time to elaborate on the situation, or how they feel about it.
Don’t make any quick assumptions that could lead to a misunderstanding or argument, as the best conversations are generally had when both individuals are calm and collected.
2. Communicate Effectively
After you evaluate the situation, and calm down from your initial reaction, communicate your concerns with your partner.
Try not to be accusing in your tone, as this can lead to them immediately becoming defensive. A high amount of vulnerability is key in this circumstance, and chances are, they know exactly how you might be feeling.
3. Do Not Act on the Feeling
The feeling alone should not cause you to act, as it will likely lead to more hurt feelings or regret.
Remind yourself that there will always be other people that compete for your partner’s attention or affection, but that ultimately they chose to commit to you.
The only action that should be taken if you are jealous is to constructively speak to them in an open, non-aggressive way.
4. Question Your Reasoning
Don’t immediately assume that you are in the right and that anyone would be jealous of your circumstance. Rather, think about why the scenario made you feel jealousy in particular.
Was it because you want to speak more time with your partner? Is it because you feel threatened mentally or physically by them?
Completely dissect the level of jealousy, and seek support from friends if you need to. They can serve as an important second opinion, though they will also likely be biased towards your cause.
Overall, if you pinpoint why it is making you jealous, you can open up to your partner and yourself about what issues you may need to confront personally.
Moreover, think about any unrealistic expectations of love and romance you may have that could be affecting your feelings.
These could include expecting them to never be attracted to anyone else, or them not texting a member of the opposite sex. Both of these can be a recipe for failure on your partners part.
5. Remember to Trust Them
Jealousy can cloud your judgment, and make you feel distrustful towards your partner. A common saying around jealous is “I trust them, but I don’t trust others”, but it is quite a flimsy excuse.
This shouldn’t really be an issue, considering that it goes back to the fact that as long as your partner chose you, you have nothing to worry about. No action from another person will make a difference as your partner makes the final call.
Therefore, trust your partner completely, especially if they have yet to provide a reason not to. They care about you and likely trust you deeply, and you should return the favor as much as you can. Even in a time of jealousy, trust can help overcome.
6. Do Not Fall into Toxic Habits
Importantly, do not fall into toxic habits like checking your partner’s phone, tracking their location, or otherwise creating rules for them to make you feel better.
These will more likely than not lead to more resentment than anything else, which is not healthy. Moreover, it could actually lead to dissatisfaction from your partner, which is a huge predictor of infidelity.
Instead, have an open line of communication without habits that can negatively impact both of your mental health. Make a conscious decision to trust your partner, rather than keeping constant tabs on them.
7. Write Down Your Favorite Traits
Finally, an important activity to do if you are feeling jealous of someone else is to write down what you like about yourself.
We tend to be jealous when we compare ourselves to another, and identifying your best traits can make you immediately feel more confident, and remind you why your partner chose you.
Don’t Let Jealousy Fester
Rather than seething over jealousy, learn how to deal with jealousy. Always talk with your partner about your concerns.
Once you calm down from the initial reaction, you two will likely have a constructive conversation about how you both feel.
This can prevent misunderstandings, and it can help you establish more realistic expectations from your partner. Moreover, following these steps can help you boost your self-confidence, and understand yourself better.
Interested in learning more about the key to a happy relationship? Check out our recent article on the secret to a happier partnership.
