After a few months of grieving a failed relationship, sooner or later you are going to want to try dating again. If you have been in a long term marriage or relationship, you may feel out of practice, especially with all of the online options available now.
How can you “get back on the horse” and start putting yourself out there?
Here are a few tips for anyone wondering how to start dating again.
1. Take Some Time For Yourself
Before you plunge into another intense relationship, it may be time to spend a little time with yourself. Many people who have been part of a couple of a long time forget what they really enjoy.
Take a solo trip. Take a class in something in which you have always been interested. Hang out with your old friends for a while. Babysit for your cousin.
Once you let your broken heart heal, you will be much better prepared to venture into a new, more fulfilling relationship.
2. Identify What You are Looking For
Whether you cry on your mom’s shoulder or see a therapist, it is good to take a look at what went wrong the last time and think about what you can do better next time.
Did you and your ex have different priorities? Did one of you want kids and the other did not? Was long distance too much to handle?
It’s often helpful to list the characteristics you are seeking in a new partner. Maybe you want someone who is in the same line of work. Maybe you want someone who doesn’t smoke or drink.
Write down the characteristics of your ideal mate. It will help you visualize and articulate what you do and do not want. Then, if you start repeating old habits, you can check yourself: is this really what I want out my love life?
3. Ask Your Friends
Once you feel ready to start dating, start slow. Check out the low hanging fruit.
That guy your mom is always trying to fix you up with? Give him a chance! Your best friend’s girlfriend’s girlfriend? Ask her out!
Meeting people through friends that you trust is a time-tested way to meet someone you like. If your friends like them, chances are you will too. You may even have things in common already, like an alma mater or a favorite activity.
Recommendations or fix-ups by friends also have the advantage of a “vetting process.” Someone who knows you probably already has a sense of what you like and what would be a deal killer. Your BFF would probably not fix you up with a libertarian if she knows you are an ardent progressive, for example.
4. Pursue Your Hobbies
One of the biggest reasons people break up is that they find they have nothing in common. You may have discovered that your significant other is outdoorsy when you have a fear of insects. Your ex may love sports while all you want to do is go to museums.
Start fresh this time by pursuing your passions. Sign up for a hiking trip or for archery lessons. Join a gym. Attend a political rally.
By engaging in activities you like, you will find like-minded people. You are more likely to find someone who shares your idea of fun, rather than needing to conform your ideas to theirs.
5. Research the Online Options
40% of couples in the U.S. now meet online. There is little stigma, and there are numerous success stories of happy couples who met through sites like Match.com and eHarmony.
There are many different online options so you can find out what is right for you. Read reviews, like this one of SugarBook. You want to be sure that the site you choose is offering what you really want.
Some are free, and some charge prices that can get pretty high. Some cater to people in specific geographic regions, while others are focused on people of the same faith or worldview.
Take your time. Many sites let you look first without engaging with other members. Check out profiles and have fun “shopping.”
6. Present Yourself in a Positive Light
Part of an effective online dating profile is your picture. You will need a photo that shows who you are.
Choose a picture that puts you in your best light, literally and figuratively. Selfies from your computer camera usually do not show you off to your best advantage.
Don’t include a photo with your ex, your mother, or your dog, Don’t include a fish you just caught or a deer you just shot.
Just use a nice picture of yourself smiling. Many people include a three-quarters shot as well, so they give a sense of their height and weight.
7. But Don’t Be Misleading
Too many people complain that when their online date shows up, they look nothing like their photo! Don’t use your high school yearbook photo if that is a distant memory.
Also, be truthful in your description of yourself. If you are not a poet, skip the flowery language about walks on the beach. If things work out, the person will eventually get to know you and figure out if you were being honest or not.
8. Be Ready to Take a Leap of Faith
Dating is always a little scary and a little thrilling. You will probably meet a few duds. You may also meet the person of your dreams.
If you are looking to meet people online or through other avenues, keep an open mind. You may meet people you never would have considered before, who turn out to be your wish come true.
How to Start Dating Again: Let’s Get This Party Started!
If you are worried and fear you do not know how to start dating again, rest assured that there are many people out there just like you. With a little preparation, you can dive into the dating scene like it is a whole new adventure.
Your Mister or Miss Right is out there waiting. Go out and find them!
Keep checking back for more tips on life and love.
