Life is a fickle thing: it comes loaded with many highs and many lows, and sometimes they seem to balance each other out.
One of the hardest things to go through in life is a divorce. It makes you question everything you once knew and replay countless things over in your head.
The most difficult part of divorce is moving on; figuring out what you should do next after it’s all said and done.
After so many years of having a solid routine, you’re now tasked with restarting your life.
Here’s how to start over after divorce and get yourself back on the right track to a successful lifestyle!
Tie Up Any Loose Ends
If you and your (former) spouse have decided to divorce, and there are no other setbacks (such as a joint bankruptcy), then it’s time to cut ties with them.
This will give you the confirmation you both need that it’s time to move on. No reason to delay the inevitable if you or they are strongly implying a wish to separate.
Depending on your situation, you may or may not need to proceed with the divorce with a lawyer involved. Read here to see if going through with the divorce without a lawyer is right for your marriage.
Talk It Out
One of the worst things that you can do during the time of divorce is choosing to keep silent. No matter how mutual or non-mutual the divorce was, you’ll have some things you want to get off your chest.
This can be with a counselor, a family member, or a close friend that’s willing to listen. Once you’ve said everything you needed to say, move on from it.
Repeating your frustrations over and over won’t do you any good, say what you’re feeling and then start talking about other topics.
If you don’t continue talking you’ll begin to feel isolated to your community. It’s a serious time for you, make sure to surround yourself with people who can brighten your day.
Make A Plan
Rome wasn’t built in a day. Moving on from a divorce is going to take time; give yourself the appropriate amount of time to do so.
Start by laying out a plan of where you want to be a year from now. What are the small goals you can set to get yourself there?
Small goals can be a great way of boosting your confidence and getting yourself back to a new normal. You may discover some strengths you didn’t know you had previously, it can be an exciting time to get to know yourself better!
The length of the recovery process depends on the person, don’t wait around to be fully healed before setting goals. You can continue to improve your way of life while recovering from the present situation.
Install Daily Meditation Times
You may find that recovery takes several times a day of getting perspective on your situation. Sure, the divorce part is unfortunate, but you’re still blessed with so much in your life… be sure to take stock of it.
A great way to do that is by installing a few times for meditation throughout the day.
Take 5-10 minute windows to do something that relaxes you.
If you’re religious, don’t be afraid to read a few Bible verses or pray. Try some deep breathing exercises, read a funny joke online, whatever will give you time to get back on track for the day ahead.
You may find different ways of meditating over time. Don’t be afraid to try a few different methods, see what works, and install more of those times throughout your week.
Control What You Can Control
Even though it is your recovery process, there are still going to be a few aspects that are out of your control.
Some days it may seem as if the world’s out to get you, it’s not, you just have to control your mindset.
Remember, the world isn’t put on pause while you grieve. Your employer still has big projects it needs you to get done, your kids still need their mom and dad to be present in their lives, etc.
Control what you can control, don’t put yourself in a position to fail and don’t get frustrated when things go against your ideal outcome.
Try to maintain an even-keel perspective. You don’t have to mask your emotions and be positive all the time; just embrace the adversity and be the best version of yourself that you can be.
Prioritize Your Sleep
One of the most important things to focus on during a period of transition is your health. To do that, you have to make sure you’re getting plenty of sleep… It’s the most important aspect of your mental health.
As you transition, you may find it hard to fall asleep or simply have no desire to go lay in bed.
Fight the urge to stay up! Go lay in bed and bring a book to read. Your eyes will gradually become more tired as you turn from page to page, ultimately making you tired enough to hit the hay.
Sleep is vital to maintaining your energy levels throughout the workday. You need that energy now more than ever; give yourself as much as you possibly can.
Start Over After Divorce: Find the New You!
One thing is for certain: when you start over after divorce your life will never be the same… embrace that!
Find new hobbies and interests that you didn’t have time for previously, you’ll discover a whole new side to yourself in the process.
Be sure to check back with Fresh In Love often for even more helpful tips on current and future relationships.
