According to the figures, sexual intercourse lasts for an average of five and a half minutes. Whilst this might be a relief to some of you, it might not necessarily guarantee you a second date.
There are a number of reasons why you might not be lasting longer in bed, but there’s also a multitude of things you can do to help you last longer.
Why You’re Not Lasting Longer in Bed
The two main reasons associated with men not lasting as long as they’d like to in bed are premature ejaculation and performance anxiety.
Premature Ejaculation
The general guidelines of ejaculation suggest that anything less than sixty seconds after entering your partner is considered premature.
Premature ejaculation can fall under two categories:
- Primary – Is present from when you start having sex and is usually linked to psychological factors
- Secondary – Develops later in life and can be linked to both psychological and physical factors. It is commonly associated with stress, depression, some form of trauma surrounding sex, and anxiety.
Performance Anxiety
Performance anxiety is pretty much exactly what it says on the tin: Excessive worrying about your sexual prowess or lack thereof.
We all know that stress can have a negative impact on the body, and performance anxiety is no exception. Stress hormones narrow your blood vessels, making it more difficult for you to get or maintain an erection.
As well as worrying that you might not satisfy your partner, performance anxiety is also linked to:
- Poor body image
- Problems in the relationship
- Worrying that your penis might not be big enough
- Concerns about ejaculating too early or even taking too long to reach orgasm
The biggest problem with these issues is the potential for a vicious cycle. Worrying about a sexual encounter so much that it results in a disaster is likely to leave you more anxious about the next. And, if you already suffer from premature ejaculation, it’s likely that you’re already anxious about your performance.
Let’s take a look at some of the things you can do to help break this cycle and climb up a couple of rungs on the ‘Don Juan’ ladder.
How to Last Longer in Bed Naturally
Before you go double-dropping viagra every time you’re planning on getting your end away and doing some real long-term damage, why not give some of these a go.
1. Kegels
Kegels are a type of exercise that strengthens the pubic floor muscles. If you’ve never isolated your pelvic floor muscles then next time you need to pee, cut off the flow of urine, then let it start again, then cut it off again. That’s essentially a Kegel.
This exercise, when performed regularly can help you gain more control over your ejaculation. Try holding the contraction for ten seconds, then take four deep breaths and go again. Aim for ten sets, once or twice a day.
2. Edging
Edging involves getting a little intimate with yourself. Its essentially conservative masturbation! Masturbate until you’re just about to peak, and then stop completely until you have the situation in hand. Once you’re in control, go again.
Practicing this regularly will teach your brain and body to control your orgasm response. Over time this will lead to more longevity between the sheets.
3. The Squeeze Technique
Here’s a little trick. If you’re having sex and you can feel your orgasm rushing upon you like an embarrassing wave of empty-joy, then stop and squeeze right below the head of your penis.
Using your thumb and forefinger squeeze the urethra (the tube running along the bottom of your penis). This will push a little blood out of your penis and help to delay the climax.
4. Foreplay
Sex isn’t just about intercourse… foreplay is your best friend when it comes to lasting longer in bed. If you feel like you’re getting overly excited then why not pull out and focus on pleasuring your partner for a while whilst things calm back down in pump-town.
If you’re anxious about satisfying your partner during sex then this can be a great way to hand out a free orgasm or two and help you to relax with a few Don Juan points already in the bag.
5. Masturbate Before Sex
Cracking one off an hour or so before having sex is a tried and tested method to help you last longer. The main reason being that if you haven’t had sex for a while then you’re likely to be wound up like a jack-in-a-box and one small turn of that key and its all over.
Masturbating will relieve a lot of that tension, meaning it will take you longer to climax the second time around. Do note that you might have to experiment with timing, as masturbating to close to having sex might mean you can’t perform at all.
6. Distract Yourself
This might sound a little odd at first, but thinking about something other than what your doing might actually help ease off on the intensity. If you feel ejaculation creeping up on you then why not try planning out your day tomorrow or practice some long division.
An alternative to this is mindfulness. Learning to be present in the moment can help you relax into the task at hand without being plagued and rushed along by anxious thoughts of poor performance.
7. Condom Choice
Sex is meant to feel nice, but sometimes it can feel too nice. This is where condoms become your greatest ally. Try wearing thicker condoms to minimize the sensation of sex. You can also purchase condoms that come with a numbing agent to help prolong intercourse.
8. Talk to Your Partner
Talking to your partner about how you feel can do wonders for any performance anxiety you might have. Not only that, but you can discuss ways to work around it. Remember edging? Well, that’s something you don’t necessarily have to do on your own!
9. Ask an Expert
If all else fails then there’s no shame in speaking with a professional. Your doctor might be able to recommend a different natural libido booster or other products such as EMLA Cream or even Priligy. They could also recommend counseling if they feel like talking therapy might help treat underlying issues.
Ease Yourself Into It
When it comes to lasting longer in bed, these methods should help you on your way. Finding ways to relax away from any anxieties you might have and being comfortable with your partner is half of the battle already won. No one is expecting a porn-star performance from you, so don’t panic.
Take a look at the rest of our site for more interesting tips for inside the bedroom and out of it.
