A study of 2000 women found that 31% of them have faked an orgasm while in a longterm relationship. And a total of 68% of women surveyed admitted to faking an orgasm at some point.
Ladies, this needs to stop. Faking an orgasm guarantees that your partner will continue to do sex in a way that’s not working for you.
Instead, read on for 7 tips on how to tell him what you want so that you actually get it.
1. What Do You Like Sexually?
Surprisingly, a lot of women don’t know what they really like. Before you worry about how to tell him what you want, you need to figure out what you like.
You can do a little research on sexual acts to try. Or you can spend some time with yourself exploring your body and what feels good. You can also explore what feels good with your partner.
44% of American women had trouble reaching orgasm at least once within a year. So, instead of wondering how to please your partner, you should focus on what you like and need out of sex.
Even if you haven’t spent much time on solo sex in the past, now is a great time to begin. You can expect bigger and better orgasms during masturbation.
Once you know what pleases you during sex, you can share that with your partner.
2. Talk About Sex During and After Sex
Research shows that talking about sex during sex is healthy and good for your relationship.
The result is that you both have a higher rate of sexual satisfaction.
When you are in the moment, it’s a perfect time to communicate about what feels good and what doesn’t. You should feel comfortable asking for what you want.
We’ll talk about how to tell him what you want later on. But the first step is understanding that talking about sex is necessary to improve your sex life.
In fact, sex talk doesn’t have to stop after the deed is done. Start getting into the habit of bringing it up the next day or even days later.
Telling your partner that you really enjoyed a certain position or moment during sex is a great way to tell him what you want.
Who knows? That comment could spark more of the same.
3. Be Specific When You Tell Him What You Want
It’s vital to express what you want as specifically as possible. This way, you are more likely to get exactly what you want instead of something similar, but not quite right.
Instead of saying, “can you be more gentle?” say something like “I like when you softly stroke my back/hair/legs.”
Shouting “harder, harder” and other sex talk might turn him on. But it won’t necessarily give you what you want.
Choose specific words to describe what you want. For example, “right before I am about to orgasm, I like when you pull my hair.” This helps your partner know what to do and when.
Often, if you feel your partner isn’t getting it, chances are you aren’t communicating what you like sexually well enough.
4. Practice Nonverbal Communication
But it’s not all about the words. There are so many ways you can use nonverbal communication to get your message to your partner.
If you aren’t used to talking about sex during sex, you might feel awkward telling him what you want.
We encourage you to try to get comfortable with it. But as you work on that, you can practice your nonverbal communication.
Moving your partner’s hands into the spot you need to be touched is a gentle way to tell him what you want.
Moaning when something feels good is a great way to encourage your partner to keep doing what he’s doing. And it helps him know what to do again another time.
Positive reinforcement is far superior during sex than negative. You could both quickly get out of the mood if the only things you are communicating is “no.”
5. Use Positive Words to Tell Him What You Want
When you aren’t having great sex, it can be extremely discouraging and frustrating. Sometimes, finding your groove after kids can be difficult.
Perhaps you have both been busy, distracted or emotionally drained and your sex life is suffering. Or maybe you have a new partner that doesn’t know what you like.
But, criticizing will not help your sex life get better. In fact, it can hurt your partner’s feelings and your relationship.
All of us, men included, are vulnerable when it comes to sex.
Yet, you can’t just ignore the problem. You both deserve awesome sex. That means you need to tell your partner that he is doing something that’s not working.
But you need to speak in a respectful, kind manner. There’s no cause for negative criticism when you tell him what you want.
In these situations, it’s best to start with a compliment. Find one thing you do like that your partner does during sex. Then suggest how he can make sex work better for you.
If you approach the conversation in a positive way, you are more likely to both walk away smiling.
6. Share Articles You’ve Read
If you feel anxious about how to bring up sexual acts to try, you can do it in a non-threatening way.
You can forward or print out an article about sex and share it with your partner. Studies are great ways to talk about sex topics in a safe, general way.
Not only will you both become better educated about the subject, but you’ve also found a way to broach the subject. Articles can be good icebreakers that can help you bring up the topic later.
7. Praise His Efforts
Your partner doesn’t want to disappoint you. He may feel nervous or pressured to please you sexually.
You can help make sex better for both of you by praising his efforts. Even if he’s not doing what you like exactly right.
Praise goes a long way in encouraging him to keep trying. And it serves as a guide for him to lead him in the direction you want.
Phrases like “that is sooo close to what I love” are ideal for communicating what you want him to work on.
Final Thoughts
There you have it! 7 tips to tell him what you want in bed that will encourage him to make your sex better and better.
Next, check out these 5 ways to spice up married sex.
