Around 45% of marriages in the US end in divorce. Probably not a statistic many brides and grooms-to-be consider when they are exchanging their vows.
No one is really thinking about why people divorce when choosing a wedding ring, but it might be useful to know in advance of the big day.
Relationships come with their tough periods, and often couples manage to work through these times and make things work, but sometimes marriages simply run their course.
8 Common Reasons Why People Divorce
There are a number of reasons why marriages end in divorce, often despite one or both spouses trying their best to avoid it.
Divorce proceedings can be extremely stressful, and often ugly. A divorce mediation process can help keep a lot of this away from the courtroom and help reach more mutually agreeable decisions.
But what are the leading causes of divorce?
1. Infidelity
Let’s start with the one that jumps straight off the tongue. It is in fact not the most common reason marriages result in divorce, but it’s up there.
A study of 52 divorcees found that almost 60% of them blamed the end of their marriage on an affair.
The reasons for cheating in a marriage are vast. It could be the result of dissipating passion between partners. It could be an act of resentment toward your spouse. Even a difference in sexual appetite can lead to one partner looking for fulfillment elsewhere
Sometimes friendships and working relationships outside of the marriage can become entangled with emotional and physical wanting that, if unchallenged, can play their course and lead to an affair.
It would seem that more couples than you would expect actually manage to work through the turbulence of infidelity and maintain their marriage
But, even if a marriage survives infidelity, it is likely to be tainted. There is inevitably going to be a large amount of guilt, a lack of trust, and a breakdown in communication.
2. Lack of Communication
If you can no longer communicate with the person who you said you’d love for eternity, then you’re in a spot of bother.
There are a number of reasons for communication breakdown in marriages.
Often, people are afraid to say what they feel, when they believe it might challenge the person to whom they are speaking. They don’t say what’s on their mind and leave their change in demeanor open to assumptions. What is left unsaid will quickly fester until it becomes the elephant in the room.
A lack of communication doesn’t just mean sitting in silence though. It is also the reason behind countless arguments. If two people can’t discuss their differences then eventually the feelings of isolation and loneliness can boil up into a shouting match.
3. Domestic Abuse
Lack of communication can lead to arguments, and there is a fine line between arguing and abuse.
Domestic abuse is not limited to physical abuse. It includes emotional and financial abuse, and it can often include other family members, especially children.
If domestic abuse is present in marriage then we can almost be certain that at least one spouse spends some time thinking about a way out.
No human being should feel afraid or uncomfortable in their home. If domestic abuse seems out of character then it could be the result of unexpected external stressors such as the loss of a loved one, substance abuse, or money.
If this is the case then individual or marriage counseling might help the situation, but the wellbeing and safety of you and your children should always be a priority.
4. Money
Money makes the world go round, but it also causes a lot of problems.
The problem here is that different people have different attitudes to money when it comes to earning, saving, spending, and sharing.
Money is one of the leading causes of divorce in America, and a foundation for a lot of marital disputes.
One spouse might earn more than another. Another spouse might have a habit of disappearing with the joint credit card on thrifty spending sprees. Sometimes it’s just a matter of having different long-term financial goals or the added weight of being in debt.
The truth is, for all the good that money can do it can also be the catalyst of malcontent when it comes to relationships.
5. Married Too Young
The problem with people is that they often have a bad habit of thinking they can see way off into the future.
Even on the back end of sage advice, someone in their early twenties might deny that there is still a lot of personal development and change to come before making concrete decisions.
Well, if you get married young, then there’s not only your own personal development and change to consider but your spouse’s too.
People change. What we want changes, how we see the world, what we look for in others, our priorities, our ambitions.
It can take us a while to realize this, and if we don’t fully understand this and the meaning of ‘marriage’ before we tie the knot then we’re likely to end up tumbling down a rocky road.
6. Physical Appearance
Unconditional love is not as abundant as many of us would like to think.
It might sound superficial, but changes in physical appearances can cause a lot of friction between spouses. The fact of the matter is that everybody wants to be with someone they are physically attracted to.
So, when one partner starts to pile on weight, its no surprise that the other might begin to become a little resentful, and even start casting furtive glances elsewhere.
There’s a flip side to this. What about when a partner decides its time to take care of themselves? They might lose some weight and begin toning their body at the gym. Sometimes the other partner can feel threatened as the other becomes more attractive to others.
7. Addiction
Addiction doesn’t necessarily need to mean full-blown alcohol or drug dependency, although these are certainly likely to have a negative impact on a marriage.
Substance abuse can have a huge impact on relationships as the addict prioritizes their addiction over their partner. This can lead to financial issues and huge changes in personality that will threaten any marriage.
But there are other addictions. People can turn to gambling, pornography, spending, and even cheating when it comes to trying to substitute for something that they don’t feel is present in themselves or their relationship.
8. Lack of Intimacy
This isn’t just a sex thing. As a general rule, most relationships, as they mature will become less about physical contact.
Intimacy can mean paying attention to your spouse and noticing those subtle nuances of giving your undivided attention when they need to get something off their chest.
It is the hugs, massages, and occasional texts that read ‘I love you.’
Intimacy is what creates the warm glow between two people, and in its absence grows distance.
When We Fall Out of Love
The truth is, sometimes we just fall out of love. Above are eight of the many reasons why this can happen and why people divorce.
Divorce can be a daunting reality to face, and no one expects to go through it when they’re exchanging vows.
For more information on saving your marriage, surviving divorce and other relationship tips, just check out the rest of our site.
