If you find yourself in a situation where you are no longer attracted to your spouse, the first thing you need to do is recognize that you’re not alone. This is a common thing to happen in relationships, especially ones that have gotten comfortable in marriage.
Everyone’s marriage is different and there are many reasons for not being sexually attracted to your spouse anymore. However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t get it back and reignite the spark in your marriage.
If you want to learn how to become sexually attracted to your spouse again, read on to learn more about the reasons behind the change and how to fix it.
Marriage Expectations
Marriage has a lot of different expectations that go along with it. One of those is intimacy, and it’s at the top of that list. You are supposed to be sexually and emotionally intimate with one another.
This is both a societal and legal expectation. There is such a thing as the “abandonment of affection” which means that you and your spouse haven’t had sex over a long period of time, which is grounds for divorce.
This adds pressure to an already pressurized situation and can lead to feeling even less sexual attraction than before.
However, with marriage comes the desire to take care of each other. And if you are both still invested in the marriage, you both have a responsibility to figure out where this feeling is coming from and how to fix it.
The Reasons for Loss of Attraction
In order to fix the problem, you have to be able to understand it. When we don’t understand the reasons behind our past actions, we set ourselves up to repeat it over and over again.
Here are some of the common reasons why our attraction to our partners starts to fade over time.
Married for the Practicality
Sometimes, we don’t get married for attraction. The person with the biggest heart doesn’t always have the most attractive features. And sometimes, we pick our partners based on their ability to be a good partner.
If your partner treats you well, works to support you, and you get along well, that’s grounds for a solid marriage, one that will last long after looks fade.
However, this also means that there’s a possibility that you were never attracted to them in the first place.
Physical Changes
Time changes all things. This is especially true for our bodies and the way we look. Over time, your partner’s looks changed and they don’t look like the person you married.
Emotional Pain
If you have undergone some kind of trauma, like a near-death experience, an illness, or any other sort of traumatic experience, your brain, and your body will start to respond. Sometimes that means you don’t want to have sex anymore. And that’s okay.
However, sometimes that emotional pain comes from within the marriage. And while it’s normal for all marriages to have issues, when your partner says things that hurt you over and over again, you can’t see past those hurtful things to feel sexual attraction anymore.
The Loss of Attraction is Mutual
If you notice that your partner is no longer interested in having sex with you, your desire to have sex with them is likely to go downhill as well. If they don’t express their affection the same way they used to, you’re having a hard time feeling sexually attracted to them as well.
How to be More Sexually Attracted to Your Partner
No matter what the reason behind your lack of attraction, there are plenty of things you can try to get yourself back in the mood.
Change it Up
Think of a fun, thrilling activity that you and your partner have never tried before. Make this something exciting, something that will get your adrenaline pumping. Make sure it’s outside of your daily routine and commit to going through with it.
Eye Gaze
Forget stargazing, spend some time gazing into your partner’s eyes. Science actually supports the fact that looking deep into your spouse’s eyes for a long period of time can increase the level of attraction you feel.
It might seem a little weird at first, but give it a shot. Don’t say anything, keep your eyes open, and do a short two-minute stare session and see what comes out of it.
Focus on the Feeling
The next time you and your partner become sexually intimate, focus on the way their body makes your body feel. For a moment, forget the way your bodies look and focus on the feeling.
Forget your arguments, forget your hardships, focus on the way your body feels while you are being intimate.
It’s amazing what an orgasm can do for your mood, your relationship with each other, and your ability to feel sexual attraction.
Remember the Good Times
Think about a time when you did feel sexually attracted to your husband. Back before time left its mark on both of you and arguments stained your view. There must have been a time where you felt happy and secure in your marriage, and you should focus on that.
Tap into that feeling. Relax and remember the good things. And while it’s true that love and sexual attraction are two very different things, feeling that intense sort of love goes a long way towards achieving sexual attraction again.
The Importance of Sex
Sex is important in a marriage. It’s good for your own personal well being as well. It’s a way to bond yourselves together, improve your moods, and bring back that intimate feeling you had in the years previous.
But being sexually attracted to someone isn’t a choice. And it can be difficult to achieve after a long time. It’s still important that you try to rekindle that spark and try to get your groove back if you want to make your marriage work.
If you’re looking for more info about reigniting your passion in the bedroom, visit our blog today!
